Lennox and Zoë would be turning three today.
We’ve moved beyond the point where I can picture them; what they would look like; how they would act; who they would be. By now, they would be such little people and there is no telling what shape they would have taken.
For the first time in three years today isn’t brutally painful. There’s the sadness to be sure, but today when I woke up I saw Shannon sitting on the sofa with our little Olivia Moonpie snuggled down against the crook of his neck just like I have every morning since September. Right this minute, I’m watching her lie on the floor, half-asleep, thumb in her mouth, trying to decide whether to roll on to her tummy or not. She’s made me laugh more times today than I can count as she performs her latest tricks of sticking out her tongue and blowing raspberries.
I wasn’t sure at first but now I am…this little girl has healed a world of hurt. We can look at today as a celebration of Zoë and Lennox, of those brief days of happiness and total love in spite of all the fear and work on letting go of the sadness and the anger and the pain. Olivia Moonpie will know she has a big brother and sister who aren’t here any more. She’ll know their names and we will answer her questions about them as best we can as they come. She may not understand why for many years, but there will be a quiet birthday party every January 3 so we can remember. We’ll make our donations to The March of Dimes in their names and we’ll have cupcakes. Hopefully in a year or two, we’ll have their trees planted and we can spend the day getting their garden ready for spring.
Time is moving on. Rough edges are slowly smoothing out. We love you, Lennox and Zoë. We think of you every day. You are part of every snuggle, every giggle, every kiss and hug. Happy birthday, sweet babies.