Just got home from my E2 and sono appointment. We wanted my lining to be less than five and it came in at 3.47. My ovaries were small and “quiet,” just the chain of black spots that proves the PCOS diagnosis. I’m just waiting to hear what my estradiol levels are. I have no real worries that it won’t be low enough. If it checks out, we get to drop the Lupron to 10 units and I start taking one dose of estrogen a day for the next four days, then two doses a day for four days, then three doses. The next sonogram is scheduled for the day before Thanksgiving.
During our first FET, I wrote about how odd it was, how detached I felt from the cycle. After all of the appointments, all of the discomfort and all of the non-stop stuff of an IVF cycle, the FET cycle seemed dull. There wasn’t so much hullaballoo. It’s the same now, only even more so. I think part of it is an intentional distancing on my part. I don’t WANT to be too invested in it. Plus, we’ve been here before. We don’t stress so much about doing the injections or over pending test results. It is what it is. Have I figured out the zen of infertility? It hasn’t even bugged me too much that the front desk people seem to have a hard time with my last name. Um…Simpson. Honestly? After all those years of the yellow family on TV you have trouble with “Simpson”? Sigh. And that doesn’t just happen when I’m on the phone with them. It happens in person too. Whatever. S as in Sam. I. M as in Michael. P as in Paul. S as in Sam….
I’ve applied for my unemployment benefits and found out that if approved I’ll receive about half of what I was earning. I have to make a minimum of three job contacts per week. I have access to the workforce commission’s job database, but somehow I doubt it will be much help for the kind of work I’m looking for. Fortunately, I have some contacts from my old job. It may turn out that I end up starting a freelance consulting type business. Who knows. In the meantime, I’m kind of enjoying my week of forced vacation. I’ve made soups to fill the freezer. I’m getting the house cleaned up so I can start getting it ready to sell. I’m allowing myself to sleep until I wake up, instead of being dragged out of bed by an alarm clock. I feel….relaxed. I haven’t felt that way in a long time. I didn’t even realize how tense I’d been until I wasn’t anymore. Silver linings.