September 24, 2007 was the last time I set foot in the RE’s office. I walked out that day grinning, pregnant with twins, certain that I’d never need to go back for anything other than to take a Thank You gift for Dr. N.
Can you say “hubris” ?
I thought so.
I went in at lunch today. It’s been 372 days since my last visit. The remodelling that they were just starting as my visits to them were coming to an end is complete. There are some new faces behind the pane of glass at the receptionists’ station. My new patient paperwork has been turned in. They have copies of my driver’s license and my insurance card. I signed a release so they can get copies of my patient record from the hospital and Dr. T. Everything is in place for my phone consult Friday morning with the nurse. There is even a typed out list that summarizes every significant event of my pregnancy from my LMP and FET, all the way to my post partum check. Attached to it is a note asking the nurse to take as much from it for my history as she can so that I don’t have to tell my story Friday morning. I’ll clarify anything she wants, but please, don’t make me tell the whole story. It’s silly, but Friday is my birthday and I really don’t want to start the day off having to go through it all. I did get a lucky break today. The woman who took my paperwork is the woman who helped me this past spring. She didn’t mention my email from a few weeks ago, I wonder if it didn’t get to her…but she remembered me and she promised to make sure the nurse got my list. She promised to be with me every step of the way.
I don’t think anyone knew how panicked I was feeling. I hope they just think I’m a babbler. I tried to be as coherent as I could, but panic attacks tend to make me talk a lot and quickly and loudly.
This is it. I WILL not back away from this. I can’t.
First steps. One at a time.