In which I suffer a minor, self-induced, panic attack

Wow. That sucked. The rapid heartbeat, the faint feeling, the nausea and the almost bursting into sobs.

I’m not sure what provoked me to suddenly start thinking about paying for this IVF cycle. I guess having the calendar out and counting out how many days I have to wait after getting my vaccinations before becoming pregnant made it all reality. We’re really going through with this.

S and I have worked really, really hard saving up money for the past few months. S is our financial guru, so I don’t know the exact numbers, but I think we could almost pay for a single cycle – clinic fees AND meds – entirely out of pocket. It would drain the savings account, but we could do it. However, we don’t think we want to do that. After some deliberation, we’re leaning towards finding financing for it so that we don’t find ourselves without a monetary cushion in the event of an emergency.

Here comes the panic part.

I started reading pages on Integramed’s website (a program which my clinic participates in) about financing and shared risk plans. Sweet Fanny, it gets confusing. Do they pay for meds or not? Am I still in the lower priced age range or not? How much of a refund would we get? How much would money would we lose if we actually succeed the first try? Is it better to just go to a bank? I’m a wee bit, um, fluffy (thanks PCOS). Does this program or that one have a limit on the bmi (body mass index)? Cause if they do, I’m sure as hell out of the running.

I suppose I need to go back to the clinic and get the not-so-helpful billing people to sit down and explain to me the pros and cons of all of my options. Surely there is SOMEONE there who won’t just hand me a price list of all of the services necessary for one cycle and say, “You have to pay this in full when you get your calendar” before walking off. Surely someone there has the people skills and the experience to do a little hand-holding and walk me through this minefield, right? I just haven’t encountered her so far, I guess. I’m no financial expert. Honestly, I can barely balance a checkbook. At the first discussion of interest rates, my eyes glaze and the voice in my head sings, “Lalalalalala” out of boredom.

If there’s anyone out there reading this, particularly those of you in Texas (since you’re probably pretty likely to be facing the non-insurance issues I am), and you are willing to have an email chat with me about how you made your financing decisions, could you email me? I’m sort of at that stage where I’m so confused I don’t even know what questions to ask and I know I need to be asking some. I’d really appreciate it. My email address is in my profile.